It has been a while since the last time I was here, at the edge of this bridge, trying to decide if life is still worth living. That’s when you entered my life. You captured my heart and mind, brought me back to my senses, and walked me down, from the edge to the sidewalk. But after all these years, yet again, I’m back at square one. What happened to us? More importantly, when did this happen to us, to me?
You were there for me when no one was. I lost everything- my family, my job, even my will to live. You didn’t think twice before making me a part of your life. You made me feel at ease. You made it normal for me to make mistakes, learn from them, and love life as it is. You made it seem like we were evermore. You helped me to get a grip on my life and be spontaneous. But in all this, I didn’t realize how hung I was on you, how my life spun and swirled only around you, and how much it was going to affect my future.
Exactly a year ago on this very day, we were celebrating our fifth anniversary, happily. I remember how magical that evening was. If someone had told me that the same time next year I would be standing on the edge of the bridge again where I met you for the first time, I would have laughed at their faces. You were everything that I wished for. You were my knight in shining armor. I loved you with everything in me. I loved you like you were the only human on earth.
But turns out, it was all a lie. You saved my life for sure though it didn’t mean anything to you. It took more than five years for me to understand that we were both beguiling ourselves. We were trying to make it work even though deep down we knew this was going to end someday. We were going to end someday.
When you saved my life that day, I thought I found who I’d been looking for. I thought that this was it. For the first three years, everything felt like a fairytale. Everything seemed so beautiful and dreamy. But then the roller coaster ride began just like any other relationship. I knew this was normal. So I never let it affect my feelings for you. Little did I know you were feeling the exact opposite. For the next one and a half years, we flared up a lot. You didn’t see the point of us being together anymore. That’s when I realized I needed to do something. I did everything I could to show you that I loved you and to some extent, you saw it too. We started to try to make things work again. We planned and had an amazing anniversary. I thought we had broken through that horrible phase in our lives.
But then everything turned upside down. We didn’t fight anymore, neither did we talk much. You started to push me away and apart. Only this time, I let you go. I have had enough. I had done ample to keep this relationship alive. And if you can’t appreciate that, there is no point in us being together. You started acting distant and I started to not care. I was drained emotionally and mentally. I was spent and exhausted. I had finally fallen out of love. I had finally made my decision.
Now here I am, standing on the edge of the same bridge again, not knowing if I can actually do it and take a step forward to end my life. The last time, I wanted to jump off the bridge. But this time, it is different. Everything in me wants to look for a reason to live. That’s when I see you. You are coming to save me yet again. But do I want to be saved?
Déjà vu! You are walking me down the edge. I look into your eyes and see something that I’ve been yearning to see forever. I see love in your eyes. I see the longing in them. I see how much you’re afraid to lose me. I see that you’re frightened. I can finally see it all.
You aren’t asking me any questions. You figured I would be here. Maybe that says enough about the bond we have. I hope that at least this time we will be different and maybe this time we’ll fall back in love for the right reasons. I hope this lasts. We are just staring at each other, drowning in each other’s eyes.
I had let you go, but here we are, together, yet again. Life has its way of creating and clearing complications. I guess we’re not done, not now not ever. Our story is still incomplete just like we’re without each other. But you’re the one and only, my heart knows it.